Monday, July 14, 2008
today my bf's mom, Leo and I went to Serramonte to eat. After that we went to target to buy cookies, crackers, juice, etc for Leo. As i was heading back to the car, this lady came out of nowhere and said "do you want to get your hand read" (something like that, i guess) so i said no. She was like "your confuse about your love line, here's my card if you want to call me" i was kind of weird me out because i was thinking while heading back, could she be right? I don't know because at times i do get mix feelings for Romeo. Sometimes I love him Nd sometimes i don't. The times i dont is when we fight about the stupidest things. It just makes me so f@?!!!@ mad at times. Well anyway we were heading back home there was the one guy in a black car who I almost hit because the dude didn't even look that it was my right a way. (My side was green) long story short I was freaking out all the way home.
Hours later when bf got home I explained what happen and he got all mad just because I wasn't explaining everything CLEARLY. I got mad, I got so pissed got my jacket from downstairs went back up to get the keys from him. As I grabbed the keys he grabbed me and askrf where the ?$?!! am I going. I can see that he was bout to hit me or something. Which I should of just dare him so I have the PERFECT excuse to leave. He hit me and not ever coming back.
Other times that I have mix feelings is that seriously I think that he hiding a lot of things from me. Especially when I go to the computer room. When I walk in, I can see him always closing his email account window as I walk into the room. It's like he doesn't want me to see his emAils. AlawYs making excuses about why he closes it, which is hard to believe. It's juSt not his email accounts he closes you know.
Few years ago I caught him a lot. Here's a list:
1. Got a letter from some girl when he came back from the Philippines the first time I was with him. Had pictures he taken with some female like it was his gf. (was behind her and holding her as if bf/gf - dude he did that to me when we take pic together. Emails from female friend saying that they're going to make a movie together and that he messes up a lot and that they're going to have to take retakes over and over and over again. (some sexual fantasy) Emails to his ex gf that he has a dream that he pin her to the wall and was sexually doing it to her. Texts from some female from the Philippines - I read everything which was very upsetting. This list goes on and on. Most of what i listed...he had all these excuses..which it still hard to believe. COME ON he's already getting old and still trying to cheat on people. He doesn't care if he cheats, but when a female cheats on him it a different story.
Remembering everyone one of these is making me very upset. See the thing is...I really do love him very much..but there are a lot of confusions. Why can't he just more honest, open and etc. Doesnt even have patience..I always wait for him you know. Why can't he change his temper. I mean he gets mad very easily (has a short temper). Which makes me very upset. I mean come on at little small things he's already piss as hell. Like me forget to order some food he wanted, forget payroll for the employee, don't tell me the exact numbers we made for the month, etc. Can't he just nicely or say it in a nice wAy or something..I'm a very very sensitive person and I cry very very easily. It's a bad habit, I think it was from a bad childhood I had you know...I seriously had a very bad relationship with me mom side of the family...me always getting picked on out of my whole my kids. Step dad, uncles, aunts, etc purposely trying to make me cry everyday. Sexually touch by my mom's dad (since i was six) and brother (told people but no one believe me, thought i was crazy) and other people who are trying..My aunt's husband (dad side)told my aunt didn't believe me, she thought her husband was playing around. and my friend (not my friend anymore). Other times (my mom side) people calls me stupid, crazy just because my dad side has two siblings that has a mental disorder. If I had lived my whole life with my dad it would probably be different. Wow me coming out with everything like this is weird. My childhood wasn't very easy you know...it was really hard..,very very upsetting to remember everything. I just want to move somewhere very far away forget everything that has happen. I really think my life really sucks.
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Hours later when bf got home I explained what happen and he got all mad just because I wasn't explaining everything CLEARLY. I got mad, I got so pissed got my jacket from downstairs went back up to get the keys from him. As I grabbed the keys he grabbed me and askrf where the ?$?!! am I going. I can see that he was bout to hit me or something. Which I should of just dare him so I have the PERFECT excuse to leave. He hit me and not ever coming back.
Other times that I have mix feelings is that seriously I think that he hiding a lot of things from me. Especially when I go to the computer room. When I walk in, I can see him always closing his email account window as I walk into the room. It's like he doesn't want me to see his emAils. AlawYs making excuses about why he closes it, which is hard to believe. It's juSt not his email accounts he closes you know.
Few years ago I caught him a lot. Here's a list:
1. Got a letter from some girl when he came back from the Philippines the first time I was with him. Had pictures he taken with some female like it was his gf. (was behind her and holding her as if bf/gf - dude he did that to me when we take pic together. Emails from female friend saying that they're going to make a movie together and that he messes up a lot and that they're going to have to take retakes over and over and over again. (some sexual fantasy) Emails to his ex gf that he has a dream that he pin her to the wall and was sexually doing it to her. Texts from some female from the Philippines - I read everything which was very upsetting. This list goes on and on. Most of what i listed...he had all these excuses..which it still hard to believe. COME ON he's already getting old and still trying to cheat on people. He doesn't care if he cheats, but when a female cheats on him it a different story.
Remembering everyone one of these is making me very upset. See the thing is...I really do love him very much..but there are a lot of confusions. Why can't he just more honest, open and etc. Doesnt even have patience..I always wait for him you know. Why can't he change his temper. I mean he gets mad very easily (has a short temper). Which makes me very upset. I mean come on at little small things he's already piss as hell. Like me forget to order some food he wanted, forget payroll for the employee, don't tell me the exact numbers we made for the month, etc. Can't he just nicely or say it in a nice wAy or something..I'm a very very sensitive person and I cry very very easily. It's a bad habit, I think it was from a bad childhood I had you know...I seriously had a very bad relationship with me mom side of the family...me always getting picked on out of my whole my kids. Step dad, uncles, aunts, etc purposely trying to make me cry everyday. Sexually touch by my mom's dad (since i was six) and brother (told people but no one believe me, thought i was crazy) and other people who are trying..My aunt's husband (dad side)told my aunt didn't believe me, she thought her husband was playing around. and my friend (not my friend anymore). Other times (my mom side) people calls me stupid, crazy just because my dad side has two siblings that has a mental disorder. If I had lived my whole life with my dad it would probably be different. Wow me coming out with everything like this is weird. My childhood wasn't very easy you know...it was really hard..,very very upsetting to remember everything. I just want to move somewhere very far away forget everything that has happen. I really think my life really sucks.
iPhone Blog
♥ And did I tell you that I love you tonight
11:32 PM
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11:32 PM
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